No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
