OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
