dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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