I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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