Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm really busy with my period
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