I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
