Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
