you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
