dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
