Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
