Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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