If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
