I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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