what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
