Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
