I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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