apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
