I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize