these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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