Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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