i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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