well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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