addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
