I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
