i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
