I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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