He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
