Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize