I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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