Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
