Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
