New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
