i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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