worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
