So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
