I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
