did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize