Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
