Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize