Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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