Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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