And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
