i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
