I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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