Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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