She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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