Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who died my cat blue again?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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