i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
