I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
