fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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