Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Even my vagina gasped.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
