i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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