I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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