dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
