I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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