i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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