So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
