I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
