Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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