you traded sex for a burrito?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
