my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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