I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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