therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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