For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize