where am i from again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
