How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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