and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
